Heeeeey girl... it's me, your Homegirl ❤️ That old friend from the neighborhood that always has your back. Remember me? The one who did those really awesome barn sales with cool vintage finds, handmade home decor, and lines of shoppers snaking all the way down the lane? The one who was going to have her own Homegirl branded line in a very large big box store? Well, truth is, if you had forgotten me, it is okay because I had my forgotten myself and had my own trouble remembering ME. I was not even being a Homegirl to myself, let alone anyone else.
In 2014, I embarked on the largest professional journey in my career and also one of the largest personal discoveries of my life: producing a Homegirl labeled home decor line—a project with one of the one of the largest companies in the world. I would travel to India and China where the product would be made and set up a showroom in Shanghai, China that would showcase my goods for retailers to buy around the world. Trouble was "no one was buying it", because I was not “buying it” myself.
From the start of constructing what I thought would be “the dream house”, both professionally and personally, it was doomed to never take shape. There were never even "architectural drawings" for all of the "contractors" to refer to because I didn't even know what I was trying to construct. And I, as the lead architect, did not even know what I wanted to build, let alone take responsibility to draft it. I was overwhelmed—and scared that I should not be leading the project, thinking I did not know how to do it, was not properly trained, did not deserve such a fabulous house, would fail miserably, waste money or, most importantly, worried that the house I was building would fall in and hurt someone I loved.
To make the Homegirl business dream house a success—and me in turn a success, I bought a quick, prefab house plan and put it in a location that I didn’t like, but was desirable to everyone else. Not trusting my own intrinsic design knowledge and abilities, I told myself that what they were designing and building for me would be great because it was where all the cool people lived and it was in the most exclusive part of town. From the outside, this house was impressive, and beautiful by society's standards. It was large, soaring, looked expensive—and looked like every other house on the block. I should be content living there, right?
But, here is the thing, on the inside, it all felt fake and was not me at all. Turns out I bought the “model home”. It was all neutral, had no upgrades, uneven drywall, carpeted flooring and even standard plumbing and lighting fixtures. No Pottery Barn sofa, expensive artwork, Restoration Hardware paint or light fixture in the world was ever going to make me like it and feel at home there.
So what did I want? Well…if "allowed" to build the Homegirl business dream house to uniquely fit me, without any "no's”, “you can’ts”, or “you should not even try's", I would actually not even build from scratch at all. I would inhabit an old home that existed long before I was even born. It would be surrounded by beauty in a location that is to die for but not too remote. It would be so darling on the outside, substantially built from wood or brick. It would have the best curb appeal with happy, organically "accidentally" designed landscaping, and handmade garden decor. The flower boxes and pots would be filled with bright, cheery flowers that were all thrown together and the big, old trees would hug the property and give the passerby a welcoming vibe that they want to know the person that lives inside.
Inside would be quirky, have lots of charm, good energy, sloping floors, and there would not be one straight angle to be found. It would have old wavy, possibly cracked, hard-to-see-out-of glass windows, original hardwood floors that told a story with every scratch, burn mark, and pieced or unmatched sections. And some lights that have no turn off switch. Definitely those “switches that control nothing”.
All I would do is simply move in and RENOVATE it to make it more to my own liking—making renovations or additions that would change with the decades and seasons of our lives. 👀 HINT… this is actually just like my real house in my real life.
So, back in 2014, I wanted to believe that the product line was my business dream house… but I never really could. I don't think anyone else could see it either. I had not yet built up "the name or brand" for me or them to live in that kind of house—and I could not keep pretending I could afford it. I never saw that “dream house” being my forever home and in actuality it was sold to me in a short sale.
Turns out too that smoke detectors were not properly installed and did not go off right away when I smelled the fire burning somewhere. I left a candle burning too long, and the Homegirl business dream house METAPHORICALLY burned down.
As a total side note: I love to live in the land of metaphors and you will see this a lot from me, not only in this story, but in more to come…
SO… back to the business dream house fire. Luckily, my family and I were all able to escape, grabbing our most prized belongings with only minor injuries to heal. Importantly, we had each other—and I had what I needed to move to another spot, better suited to me.
Now was my chance to get that old beauty “business dream home” and fix it up to exactly how I liked and what I wanted.
I think in all cases when something "tragic" happens, perspective comes with time and clarity once you are willing to let something go or give something up in order to get something new or gain something else. To actually strike the match, watch it burn and bask in the light of the fire you created. In the case of my professional dream house burning, it was meant to burn, so something better could rise from its ashes.
I took a long time to find the right business dream house location and the right old house with good bones. I needed the time to be inspired by what I wanted the house to be, collaborated with my husband on what we both wanted out of the business house, hired an awesome architect that could see and bring our vision to life with renovations and additions, hired trustworthy contractors, had custom light fixtures (some I even made myself), refinished the hardwood floors, kept the original wavy glass windows, got a kick butt new sofa and paired it with a salvaged coffee table and vintage chairs, and hung whatever unique finds I wanted on the wall. I had my bookshelves tell cool stories. I surrounded myself with plants, got two huge fluffy dogs, had only people over I wanted to hang with, and burned candles all the time without fear of another fire because I remembered what had happened—and know I will and can blow them out.
So here I am living in my "new" old house, writing this from my sweet breakfast nook, sitting on seat cushions my neighbor made for me, at my new kitchen table surrounded by the old, brown, wide, ancient wood walls and awesome SchoolHouse electric sconces throwing off a warm light that is just right. And I am happier than I have ever been—professionally and personally!
Homegirl, (professionally literally, figuratively and me physically) has fixed up the barn by securing its holes to keep the critters out, swept up the dust, cleared the cobwebs, and mended the furniture that was all left for naught. I have thrown out the junk, donated, repurposed and handmade things too. I even bought new pillows from Target to put in the mix. The vintage items I bought were only for me to be happy with them and not have to worry about them selling. I personally too have renovated my own real home, honoring its historic charm and roots—adding or changing things to fit my family’s needs but still in keeping with its old spirit. (Or should I say my husband’s need for a master bath so he did not have to share with 3 girls!) I have made small and big changes professionally and personally, and am still adjusting to where the new light switches and outlets are 😜
I’ve rediscovered and nurtured my love of old houses—while embracing the newness of it all. Now, I am so content in my personal and professional houses, inside and out. I love what the outside looks like and I am so happy when I pull up my driveway and see my house everyday. I am proud that I live here and have a badass barn that I have built a handcrafted business from in my own backyard. I love the location and I love the beautiful piece of property that it sits on. I love it on the inside too with its blend of old and new to create a cozy, welcoming homey feel. It’s a place where you can feel… me. And feel completely at home.
I am blessed enough to live here with the people I love, the pets I love and the everyday ups and downs. I love the freshness of an open window or a clean bathroom. I love the everyday messes too—with its piles of laundry and spaghetti splatters. And I actually love it more when other people clean up those messes 😂
So… Homegirl is back in the neighborhood and I want to reconnect! Now when I light a candle, it is to remind me of what I loved about my business in the first place and to keep the creative flames burning so I can bring you a happy, lifestyle brand with positive messages to ignite your own flames at your own home, girl! And together we can BURN BRIGHT!
